Woke up at 4a and a poem came out. Enjoy..
Dear Fear, indeed you lure my itching ears to hear.
Speaking wicked media, you tell me many stories.. always luring me in, laced with so many worries.
Your friends Stress & Anxiety, they’ve messed with my sobriety.. But now I take my stand, no longer as as a boy.. my Daddy raised a man.
The Father of Light is my soul’s delight, today is a perfect day to fight the good fight.
God is my Defender, you will not prevail.. The Sword of the Spirit pierces you like a nail.
As it is written, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition,” .. By faith I know that the good Lord is listening.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed!”, This is the Good media that I’ll happily obey..
“Trust in the Lord”, it is the only way.. He’ll move these mountains from my path every day.
Whispers from darkness, you itch my itching ears, but your days are over.. here comes the zealous Spear:
“If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Principalities of darkness, you sure play some wicked games, but “It is finished”, in Jesus the Christ’s Holy name.
Let us pray..
3 And I set my face unto the Lord God, to seek by prayer and supplications, with fasting, and sackcloth, and ashes:
4 And I prayed unto the Lord my God, and made my confession, and said, O Lord, the great and dreadful God, keeping the covenant and mercy to them that love him, and to them that keep his commandments;
5 We have sinned, and have committed iniquity, and have done wickedly, and have rebelled, even by departing from thy precepts and from thy judgments:
6 Neither have we hearkened unto thy servants the prophets, which spake in thy name to our kings, our princes, and our fathers, and to all the people of the land.
7 O Lord, righteousness belongeth unto thee, but unto us confusion of faces, as at this day; to the men of Judah, and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and unto all Israel, that are near, and that are far off, through all the countries whither thou hast driven them, because of their trespass that they have trespassed against thee.
8 O Lord, to us belongeth confusion of face, to our kings, to our princes, and to our fathers, because we have sinned against thee.
9 To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him;
10 Neither have we obeyed the voice of the Lord our God, to walk in his laws, which he set before us by his servants the prophets.
11 Yea, all Israel have transgressed thy law, even by departing, that they might not obey thy voice; therefore the curse is poured upon us, and the oath that is written in the law of Moses the servant of God, because we have sinned against him.
12 And he hath confirmed his words, which he spake against us, and against our judges that judged us, by bringing upon us a great evil: for under the whole heaven hath not been done as hath been done upon Jerusalem.
13 As it is written in the law of Moses, all this evil is come upon us: yet made we not our prayer before the Lord our God, that we might turn from our iniquities, and understand thy truth.
14 Therefore hath the Lord watched upon the evil, and brought it upon us: for the Lord our God is righteous in all his works which he doeth: for we obeyed not his voice.
15 And now, O Lord our God, that hast brought thy people forth out of the land of Egypt with a mighty hand, and hast gotten thee renown, as at this day; we have sinned, we have done wickedly.
16 O Lord, according to all thy righteousness, I beseech thee, let thine anger and thy fury be turned away from thy city Jerusalem, thy holy mountain: because for our sins, and for the iniquities of our fathers, Jerusalem and thy people are become a reproach to all that are about us.
17 Now therefore, O our God, hear the prayer of thy servant, and his supplications, and cause thy face to shine upon thy sanctuary that is desolate, for the Lord’s sake.
18 O my God, incline thine ear, and hear; open thine eyes, and behold our desolations, and the city which is called by thy name: for we do not present our supplications before thee for our righteousnesses, but for thy great mercies.
19 O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive; O Lord, hearken and do; defer not, for thine own sake, O my God: for thy city and thy people are called by thy name.
Well, here is one for the journal.. This just happened so I wanted to journal it while it’s fresh. I’m going to cut to the chase here while everything is in the noggin’.
Well… this is hard to admit but that’s just the pride of life stopping me. Concerned about how I’m viewed by the world, how people gossip, take things out of context, etc.. Who cares, I have an audience of One, I’m interested in what He says. He says to share these things so here you go, for someone’s benefit..
Anyways… the sin is drugs. A while ago I was talking to a man and asked if he had any vices. He said drinking and then mentioned a drug that I had tried 28+ years ago. Sinful me said, “O wow, if you ever get any I wouldn’t mind trying it again!” Sigh…. this makes me weep and tremble typing it… please don’t judge, I’m fully aware that I have a greater One that I must answer to on these things….
This was months ago. Well, I’ve let that type of thinking go, but a few days ago, it showed up at my door. Man, I want to throw up right now. This is very hard to do… Anyways… I tried a small sample. During the sampling, I’m in a struggle between right and wrong, and I didn’t choose life, I chose death. I was extremely convicted, and so it sat where it sat for the last few days. But it wasn’t just the conviction that had me refraining, I was hearing and sensing nothing but death.
When I tried this, it was indeed a small sample because I wanted to be safe, but of course that’s the devil’s way of convincing us to dabble. This small sample made me feel like I was going to have a heart attack. It surely was not safe. For the last 3 days, this has been going through my head repeatedly every time I walked by it.. Many times, “You’re going to die. Fentanyl.” Can anyone guess what the sinful nature said? “Surely you won’t die….” For 3 days I’ve been battling with this, struggling between dumping it and doing more.
I’ve been focused on the sin in my life and repenting. Confessing sins, praying again, reading the Word, etc. Doing the things that I need to do for the strength to get me through. The timing of this showing up was bad (or good?). I guess bad for me, good for the lesson and good for a friend. I don’t know, depends how you look at it. It was a huge struggle because repentance is where my mind is at and here is the temptation on my counter, walking by it every day. My flesh wanted it bad, but I kept thinking death and fentanyl. Earlier today, I had a passing thought of getting up, grabbing it, and immediately dumping it. The source was repentance and the constant nagging inside that this is going to kill me. Of course, the flesh spoke too.. “Surely you won’t die”, and it didn’t happen.
Well, about an hour ago now, I got hit up on Facebook by an old friend. A friend I haven’t seen in about, um, 28 years or so. She’s not a drug user, she’s from the town I grew up in. She proceeded to catch me up on her life and her first words were, “My son died 4 years ago..” :( Within me, I knew what this was. I guess the spidey senses went off? I knew within me that a testimony was happening… Don’t know how/why.. but as she continued to catch me up on her life, I zero’d in on what she said about her son because I knew that’s where I needed to go.. I knew in me it was drugs. I knew in me it was fentanyl. I knew my Savior’s voice, I just knew. I almost blurted out, “Don’t tell me, drugs? Fentanyl?” She proceeded to tell me that her son died from Fentanyl….. man. man..man.
Needless to say, we both praised God. She had something to thank God for, and she said, “My son, do you remember his name?” (Unfortunately, I didn’t). We were of the same name.. She was so thankful to God for giving her this. We ended the conversation with praise, praise, praise to the One who giveth and taketh away..
For me, it is without a doubt I was a dead man. I had a pressing on my heart non-stop about death and fentanyl for days. I knew that if I did the drug, I was going to die. That is why it sat there for days. My flesh wouldn’t allow me to throw it out, “You surely won’t die.. go ahead, eat.. you’ll be better than you were.”
I chose life… but, did I really? I mean I did, but, the lesson isn’t over. It took the hand of God to move in this mannerism. It was in my face, bam! Without this contact from my friend, I may have died tonight. She also received a new perspective, peace, etc after witnessing what just happened. God was present, a help in time of need, but I shouldn’t need that in order to obey that which I knew to not participate in. Lord, I don’t care what it takes.. break me in pieces if necessary to restore my heart. Sin needs to go, help me. In Jesus name, amen. (funny thing happened after I posted this. I started to read an old article that talks about this topic. – http://serious-things.com/eating-liver-sin
He showed me much on this the other day when I lost this little package.. I misplaced it when I was high. smh. I thank God it was lost because I was looking for it the other day with every intention of doing it, and I couldn’t find it. Guess what happened while I was turning around every nook and cranny trying to find it? Literally turning over every stone, on my hands and knees, and I hear something like, “You seek around everywhere, with a sense of urgency, trying to find your sin, but you seek Me half-heartedly? Where’s the urgency? The time is late.”
Anyways… God is good. Indeed the drug is no longer and I’ve repented. My friend is praising God and going to Church on Sunday, she has something to give thanks for. She believes that the sharing of her son’s passing just saved my life.. I do too. Manifold grace of God.. praise the Lord.
Updated below around 6:30p on 12/1/19: Well, on the phone with a friend right now, who has had triple heart bypass..Shared the above and now he’s telling me as I type – “Man…. Brother, I got mushrooms in my fridge that I was about to take in the next hour. I’ve had them for 3 weeks, and I haven’t taken them because I knew I was going to die if I took ’em.” Man….. Chris, please comment.
Well, here I am, about 5+ years later – completely humbled by God, again.
This is now the 3rd round of returning, as the wayward son. Exiting the pig pen only to see our Father’s love and grace, as if I never left.
A quick rundown of the last 5 or so years –
I re-entered the workforce as what appeared to be an item that was God-led. Watched the mind get transformed back into a business-man, of the world again. Completely 100% consumed, and it sucked every drop of energy and will from this being. No more thoughts of scripture, prayers dipped, stopped going to church, sin… Back in the world 100%.. The job had me by the throat, I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move.
Praise God that He didn’t stop pressing in for my soul, praise God. Now I’m in the midst of repenting and seeing God’s good grace and love again. He’s having me pick up where I left off, imagine that. :)
At this point, I’m not certain what’s going on with this site.. maybe an overhaul to clean up the outdated software. I plan to pray and seek out His next steps in life and will journal things here, God willing. In the meantime, please pray for me as I continue on this pilgrimage back home..
18 I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ 20 And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21 And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’[c] 22 But the father said to his servants,[d] ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. 23 And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
I’m titling this Radical Faith, but please take heed that this is not a testimony that someone should take out of context. There is a lot of prosperity teachings out there and if this comes across as such, then please let me know so that I may correct. Remember, it is written – James 4:3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. Basically saying that we do not receive because we ask selfishly.. God is not a genie in a bottle.
At any rate, here is a lesson I have been learning over the past few years.. I pray it blesses you, in Jesus name, amen.
I had spent a cpl of months in pain because of my right arm.. I couldn’t sleep at night.. All day long, I would shift my shoulder/arm/neck trying to get comfortable. Basically, I had a constant pain, 24/7.. all day, every day for at least 2-3 months. I did what we all do when we need healing – Google search and youtube videos of course! Searching all the ways to heal myself of this thing. According to a nurse friend of mine, I had a pinched nerve in my neck..? Idk.. and I don’t care now. ha. I received much advice for healing: visit a Chiropractor, stretching, posture, take pain meds, etc., but finally 1 day.. I got the needed medicine –