Well, here is one for the journal.. This just happened so I wanted to journal it while it’s fresh. I’m going to cut to the chase here while everything is in the noggin’.
Well… this is hard to admit but that’s just the pride of life stopping me. Concerned about how I’m viewed by the world, how people gossip, take things out of context, etc.. Who cares, I have an audience of One, I’m interested in what He says. He says to share these things so here you go, for someone’s benefit..
Anyways… the sin was trying a drug. Many months ago, I was talking to a man and asked if he had any vices. He said drinking and then mentioned a drug that I had tried almost 30 years ago as a young dumb kid. The sinful flesh blurted out, “O wow, if you ever get any I wouldn’t mind trying it!” Immediately I knew it was a dumb thing to say. Sigh…. this makes me weep and tremble typing it. Please don’t judge, I have a greater One that I must answer to on these things. Nonetheless, a testimony was birthed, praise God that he uses evil for good.
This was many months ago and was forgotten, but a few days ago, it showed up at my door. Man, I want to throw up right now. This is very hard to do. The ego, the pride of man, it hates truth and confessions. Anyways… I tried a small sample. I was struggling and convicted, but I pressed through the unction from the spirit and bypassed him to accept my sinful desires.
When I tried this, it was indeed a small sample because I wanted to be safe, but of course that’s exactly what the devil did to get me to do it. Convince me I could do it safely. It’s his way of subtly convincing us to dabble. Almost immediately it made me feel like I was going to have a heart attack. It surely was not safe. I sat it on a small counter between my dining room and living room. For the last 3 days, I walked by it many times a day being tempted. Every time I was tempted, I heard clearly: “It has Fentanyl, you’re going to die.” The sinful nature always responded, “Surely you won’t die…. just a little bit.” For 3 days, I heard this many times a day, every time I walked by it and considered it.
Recently, I’ve been focused on sin in my life and repenting. Confessing, started praying again, reading the Word again, etc. Doing the things that I need to do. The timing of this showing up was bad (or good?). After looking back over my spiritual walk, I have noticed a repeated theme: Every single time I get serious about my walk with God, Satan shows up. It was a huge struggle because repentance is where my mind is at and here is the temptation on my counter, walking by it every day.
My flesh wanted to try more, but I kept thinking death and fentanyl. Earlier today, I had a passing thought of getting up, grabbing it, and immediately dumping it. The source was repentance and the constant nagging inside that this is going to kill me. Of course, the flesh spoke too.. “Surely you won’t die”, and it didn’t happen.
Well, about an hour ago now, I got hit up on Facebook by an old friend. A friend I haven’t seen in about, 25 years or so. She’s not a drug user that I’m aware of, and she’s from the town I grew up in. She proceeded to catch me up on her life and some of her first words were, “My son died 4 years ago..” :( Within me, I knew what this was. The spidey senses went off. Something inside lights up when this happens.. I knew within me that a testimony was happening… Don’t know how/why.. but as she continued to catch me up on her life, I was zeroed in on what she said about her son because I knew that’s where I needed to go. I knew in me it was drugs. I knew in me it was fentanyl. I knew my Savior’s voice, I just knew. I almost blurted out, “Don’t tell me, drugs? Fentanyl?” I interrupted and asked, “If you don’t mind, what happened to your son?” She proceeded to tell me that her son died from Fentanyl….. man. man..man.
As we continued to talk, she shared that I was on her mind the previous day. She shared that she’s been struggling with the death of her son and turned to alcohol, but had recently repented and started going back to Church. She didn’t understand why God let him die. I had to interrupt her and share this testimony that was unfolding right before us. I explained all that I typed above, and said, “Please understand, the story of your son just saved my life”, as I washed it down the drain.
Needless to say, we both praised God. She had something to thank God for, and she said, “My son, do you remember his name?” (Unfortunately, I didn’t). We were of the same name.. She was so thankful to God for giving her this because she was struggling with his death. We ended the conversation with praise, praise, praise to the One who giveth and taketh away..
For me, it is without a doubt I was a dead man. I had a pressing on my heart non-stop about death and fentanyl for days. I knew that if I did the drug, I was going to die. That is why it sat there for days. My flesh wouldn’t allow me to throw it out, “You surely won’t die.. go ahead, eat.. you’ll be better than you were. Your eyes will be opened!” pfft.
It took the hand of God to move me. It was in my face, bam! Without this contact from my friend, I’m fairly certain I would have died tonight. She also received a new perspective and peace after witnessing what just happened. God was present, a help in time of need, but I shouldn’t need that in order to obey that which I knew to not participate in. Lord, I don’t care what it takes.. break me in pieces if necessary to restore my heart. Sin needs to go, help me. In Jesus Christ name, amen. (Awesome – God continued to help me to repent and restore me right after I posted this. I started to read an old article that talks about sin – http://serious-things.com/eating-liver-sin). Thank you Lord.
He showed me much on my heart towards sin the other day when I lost this little package. I misplaced it when I was high. smh. I thank God it was lost because I was looking for it with every intention of doing it, and I couldn’t find it. Guess what happened while I was turning around every nook and cranny trying to find it? Literally turning over every stone, on my hands and knees, and I hear something like, “You seek around everywhere, with a sense of urgency, trying to find your sin, but you seek Me half-heartedly? Where’s the urgency? The time is late.”
Anyways… God is good. Indeed the drug is no longer and I’ve repented. My friend is praising God and going to Church on Sunday, she has something to give thanks for. She believes that the sharing of her son’s passing just saved my life.. I do too. Manifold grace of God.. praise the Lord.
Update 6:30p on 12/1/19: Well, on the phone with a friend right now, who has had triple heart bypass. I shared the above story, and I’m typing his response in almost real time – “Man…. Brother, I got mushrooms in my fridge that I was about to take in the next hour. I’ve had them for 3 weeks, and I haven’t taken them because I knew I was going to die if I took ’em.” God is good!
I had spent a cpl of months in pain because of my right arm.. I couldn’t sleep at night.. All day long, I would shift my shoulder/arm/neck trying to get comfortable. Basically, I had a constant pain, 24/7.. all day, every day for at least 2-3 months. I did what we all do when we need healing – Google search and youtube videos of course! Searching all the ways to heal myself of this thing. According to a nurse friend of mine, I had a pinched nerve in my neck..? Idk.. and I don’t care now. ha. I received much advice for healing: visit a Chiropractor, stretching, posture, take pain meds, etc., but finally 1 day.. I got the needed medicine –
Here is a powerful Muslim Testimony (a woman who converted from Islam to Christianity). This DVD was shared with me by a brother in the Lord who received approval by morethandreams.org for re-distribution. This is one of the testimonies out of 5 on the DVD. Please consider making the small purchase of a DVD to help them get the word out. Enjoy (click the link directly to watch in your browser, or Right click the link then “Save as..”) – Muslim Testimony
If you have any troubles playing the file, I suggest using this free media player: VLC – It’s the best media player out there mainly because it isn’t a resource hog like Windows Media Player, RealPlayer, etc. Plus, it’s free, updated regularly, etc. :)
All that can be said is that “God is Good, Good, Good..” Amen. Here is something I titled God’s Bicycle Testimony. A testimony of God’s work.. I pray this encourages any readers to seek to hear His voice and most importantly, to be a doer of the word that we hear. In Jesus name, amen.
For many months I have been praying and waiting for whey protein powder to go on sale. Since it is a staple food item for me, it’s bought in bulk. It was realized last week that I’m getting down to my last couple of pounds (again), so I reminded the Lord. :)
A few days ago while riding my (His) bicycle to Church, the Lord guided me to a man standing on the opposite side of the road with a bicycle. “Go talk to that man.” I rode over and asked what he was up to. He said he was traveling north to find work (homeless). After a short discussion about his confusion of which direction to go, I invited him to come along for a ride to Church. He accepted. While we were on the way, I noticed that the man had a 1/2 flat rear tire. I decided to help him by using an air compressor at a gas station after Church.
Before and after Church, the man was talking a lot about his 2 ex-wives, the last being 14yrs ago. He was very bitter. He revealed that they both committed adultery. Outside of his travel plans, it was pretty much the only thing he discussed. His heart was obviously scarred.
After Church, we rode to the gas station. I asked, “What are your other needs besides air?” He said he was good on everything. (He had water, 2 bags of food, and received another bag of food at the Church). He said all he really needed was his bicycle tire fixed. We looked at it and the tube was blowing out. He said that it’s holding air for around a day of riding and that he would be ok with just getting some air. As I grabbed the quarters out of my pocket to place them in the air machine, the Lord pressed in, “Is that all you can do? The need won’t be met tomorrow.” I decided to run home and get a wrench to swap a tire off of my bike. All during this event, in the back of my mind was that still small voice, “Give him the bicycle.” I quenched Him with my own reasoning.. “Replacing the tire will meet his need.” bla bla bla *sigh*
Upon returning with the wrench, we realized a swap wouldn’t work because it was the back tire. Oops! Imagine that! My own understandings fail, once again. There was a difference in the sprocket/gears.. they were not interchangeable. Then again, “Give him the bicycle that I have blessed you with. Don’t worry, have I not been faithful in taking care of your needs?” Ugh.. I bow, “Yes Lord.” So I gave him God’s bicycle. The man was obviously thankful.
As I was taking personal items off of the bike, he continued to talk about his ex’s. The Lord laid the word ‘unforgiveness’ on my heart and ‘7×70’. When we were ready to depart, I asked, “Do you recall a verse that mentions 7×70 in the bible?” He did not. I explained that it’s about forgiveness. We discussed how unforgiveness ushers in bitterness, stress, depression, anger, and other things of this world and compared it to God’s way of forgiveness, which ushers in peace, contentment, love, kindness, etc. He had that look.. praise God, seed dropped. After we were finished discussing this, we prayed. During the discussion about 7 times 70, there was a song in my head..
At the moment I began to depart on his bicycle, I was singing: ~7 times 70 times, there’s healing in the air tonight~ Just as I pressed down on the pedal for the first crank, I look down:
My eyes immediately fixate on a 7 at the same time the word seven was rolling off my lips.. confirmation.
As always, God doesn’t stop there. Later in the day, I receive notice of a sale for protein powder. I’ve been ordering protein powder for around 5yrs, always keeping eyes out for sales. This was 20% lower than the lowest sale price that I have come across in 5yrs. Thank you Lord..
This evening, I learned of another branching out from this event (the homeless man’s bicycle that I had). God is Good! Good! Good! When this originally happened, the bicycle was offered to a neighbor. He was very thankful because he was needing new pedals for another bike. As I was talking to him tonight – “I hope you don’t mind.. but I gave that bicycle to my neighbor. For a long time, he has been talking about how he would love to have 2 bicycles so him and the wife could go for rides together. I gave him that bike and his wife is using mine. You should have seen them leave together for a ride the other day, they had smiles stretched from ear to ear.”
Lord, I’m sorry that I almost grudgingly and selfishly held onto that bicycle. Thanks for keeping on me.. and thanks for the lesson..
1 Peter 4:9-10 Use hospitality one to another without grudging. As every man has received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
Praise God for the Body of Christ, thank you Lord. You surely are a help in time of need and you give the strength of an eagle when needed. Here is a testimony of God’s confirming word. It’s restful, peaceful, and edifying to know that I’m in relationships with the right people. I pray this testimony blesses and edifies you too –
John 7:37 In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.
Last night, I was invited to a gathering of prayer by a couple of brothers. They were unable to call and inform me that the place of prayer was not opened and plans had changed. That’s ok, as all things work together for the good for those that love God. I pray this water giving testimony blesses your heart.. Thank you Lord
Thank you Lord for your confirmations, guidance, and help. Thank you for your confirming words. They are peace and life to my soul, thank you. Here is a testimony that I pray blesses you and builds your faith in the Lord. Edification.. so that the brethren may be strengthened. In Him, amen.
The other day, a sister in-Christ asked for prayer. Her cousin Jim had surgery and an incision was having challenges healing since January. When I began to pray, a word was laid on my heart. She said Jim was a Christian, so the word that I felt/heard in me was that this man was a new creation in Christ. Here is the first part of the prayer: